Just in time for the new year, I found this superdeluxe site that has free blogger templates. Just like the big kids at Wordpress! No way I'm getting involved in learning HTML! That stuff just plumb scares me.
So he's an idea for a standup routine. From me to you, it's all yours (because the thought of being a standup comic scares the poo from me). Take the stage with a sock on your hand, like a puppet. It doesn't have to be a sock puppet, even though you'll be chatting with it. Just a plain old sock. On one hand you'll have the sock, the other you're holding a microphone. Chat up the sock. When it's the sock's turn to converse, hold the mic up to it. Stare intently at the sock. You're the only one that can hear it.
The conversation between you and the sock quickly turns into a shouting match, but all the shouting is from you. "Bullshit! You know that's a goddam lie!" Pause, in silence, while the sock has it's turn with the mic. You wail: "What?! No!" Another pause, this one longer. The sock has been saving this up for a while. You sputter in rage. Spittle flies. "Why would you say that?! Why here, of all places?" Look at the audience nervously. The bit's taken a seriously unplanned turn. But the sock's not done yet. Another painful minute (yes, I think a full minute should do it) of the sock talking to the mic and you standing there looking terrified. Finally, your turn: "Look, I'm sorry. I thought you were asleep when I did that."
Put the mic down and leave. You're done.
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